Peg's Story

I want to share a story with you, my dear friends who are my family. Some of you may not know this story, so I'll outline it and bring you up to speed on the incredible events that have transpired in my life recently. As you know, I was adopted at birth. After the death of my adoptive mother (October 1997), I was once again struck with the desire to find my birthmother. I have been looking on and off for the past 20 years and would find myself frustrated and emotional every time I ran into a "wall." It seems that adoptees are second class citizens who have no right to any information about where they (we) came from.

Anyway, in December 1999, I decided to hire someone to search for me. I had the money, the timing was right, and I felt ready to know. I had been referred to Toby Hanft, a birth mother who assists adoptees find their families. You can read her story at www.adoptionsearcher.com. I was referred to her by a couple of people - an adoptee and an adoptive parent. I called Toby on Monday, December 6th and made arrangements for her to begin my search. The following morning at 9 AM, I faxed her all the information I had accumulated, expecting that the search would take about 3 months as she had indicated to me the previous day. At 12:15, Toby called me and said that she thought she had found my mother. I was stunned and in shock. I called Jan and told him (I hadn't told him of my plans as I thought I had time to digest it before talking with him). Toby said that she found Dolores, my mother, in North Carolina. She had ordered a birth certificate from Colusa County, and would have a confirmed birth date when we received that. I got busy writing (and rewriting) a letter to Dolores, copying photos of myself and of Joshua from birth to present, and preparing myself emotionally (ha ha) to send them. As this was the only opportunity I might have, I wanted to be sure to tell her everything I had always dreamed of telling her - "I'm okay, I know that you did the best you knew to do for both of us."

On Thursday, December 10th, we received the birth certificate confirming that this was in fact my mother. Toby called her for me and told Dolores that I would be sending her a letter that day. I mailed the letter and waited anxiously. Would she call me? What would she be like?

On Saturday, December 18th, I was sleeping late because I had had a very long and tiring week. About 9:30, Jan woke me saying that I had just received a telephone call from a woman who didn't leave a message and said that she'd call back in about 45 minutes. Jan said that something about her reminded him of me! My eyes flew open, I was instantly awake, I paced back and forth waiting for the phone to ring. She called and we talked for over an hour; actually, we cried and laughed a lot. I learned that I have three brothers, who didn't know about me. Dolores said that she would find a way to tell them. A few days later I received a letter and photos from her. WOW! I look just like my mother! And my brothers! She also sent me a birthday card and gift - I saved them to open on my birthday, Christmas Day, the first I had ever received from her. She called me on my birthday and told me that she would tell my brothers about me on New Years Day 2000! "Happy Millennium, and oh, by the way . . ." I wrote a letter and sent it with hand painted Christmas ornaments for Dolores to give them from me as an offering of friendship and hope.

I resigned myself to the thought that I might not hear anything right away; but New Years Day came - and received a very tearful phone call from some people in North Carolina who were in complete shock! I spoke with Alan (Dolores' husband), Mike, and Martin. Mike is 40, the oldest and 17 months younger than me. Martin, my middle brother, is 32; and Mark is 29. Mark was unable to be there, so he still didn't know about me at that time. The following day, I called Dolores and we had our first real conversation (without tears). It was wonderful! She is such a loving woman. I also called Mike and Martin, and spoke with each of them for about an hour. It was simply incredible. They were stunned when they saw my photographs; I look so much like them! (Now we joke that this is the only job I ever got on my looks!) We began to get to know each other that day.

Jan and I planned to visit NC in April. Mike couldn't wait until then and wanted me to fly out the next weekend, and then asked if he could come to California in January. After discussing it, Jan and I agreed that it would be okay. Mike made plans to arrive on January 28th.

I still hadn't heard from Mark at that point. One Tuesday evening (January 11th) the phone rang. Mark had finally returned home and picked up his mail. Dolores had sent him a letter along with a copy of my letter and photos. He was stunned and in shock, but open, curious, and caring.

The next big event was when my brother, Mike, flew into San Francisco on Friday, January 28th. I was nervous, to say the least. I met him at the airport, wondering if I would recognize him, would it be awkward? When he walked off the plane, our eyes met and it was love at first sight! His first words were, "You look just like Mom!" Mike has a wonderful sense of humor, is a loving father and husband, and a thoughtful and caring brother. It felt like having an old friend in the house. Jan and Mike hit it off, and we had a wonderful four days together. Mike and I drove to Woodland to meet our Uncle Delbert and Aunt Marion - there's a story about "Tucker Ducks" and our cousins Tex, Jeff, and Eddie; ask me sometime - then on to Colusa to see the old family home. Mike and I are very different people, from very different backgrounds, with very different belief systems; but we came together with open hearts and acceptance, and we began to build a bridge that I believe will span the rest of our lives. We spent every minute together and I haven't smiled and laughed so much in years! Mike returned to NC on Monday, February 1st, and I came home and collapsed in exhaustion from the emotional roller coaster I'd been on. We had a portrait taken the first day we were together. I look at it every morning and am simply amazed at what a lucky woman I am to have such a wonderful brother (who also looks a lot like me!).

After walking around on air for a couple of days enchanted with the idea of having such a cool brother, I awoke one morning early in February saying, "Wow, I still have two more brothers and a mother I haven't met yet!" Martin, with his wife Cheryl and daughter Adrienne, will be in San Francisco the end of March, and I will meet them then. I'm looking forward to it. I'll meet Mark in April in NC.

I have embarked on the biggest adventure of my life, and I have to keep reminding myself that this is only the beginning! Jan and I have spent long hours talking about what family means to each of us, if this changes our lives in any way, and dreaming our dreams of the future. These events have had and continue to have an impact that I've only just begun to explore.

Since New Years Day I have had tons of letters and emails, lots of photos (including back to great-great-grandparents!), a family tree (John Tucker, b 1725, Cattle Creek Swamp, South Carolina! Who'd have ever thought that deep down I'm a southern belle?), cards from nieces and nephews and sisters-in-law, and long talks on the telephone every weekend. It's interesting to meet these people, my family, as adults. We have a rare opportunity to come together out of desire - to choose to be family, if we want to. It's a little overwhelming sometimes, but these are some of the kindest, most loving people I have ever had the opportunity to get to know and I feel truly blessed. It didn't have to work out this way. I feel truly blessed.

Love, Peg